Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
