hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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