Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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