I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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