clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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