There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
