I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
