He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
