I wish I could punch you in the face.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
