At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
