Im at strip club and am horny
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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