I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I look better un-naked...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
