I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
