Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
