I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
