highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
