im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
