I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
