is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
