I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
