Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
