Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
