I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
