I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
