she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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