Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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