Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Text me some of your sweat
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
