They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Welp...herpes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
