she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
