Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
