before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
