You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
