I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
