i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
