You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
