My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
