He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
