First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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