True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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