check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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