The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
