this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
