watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
