obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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