Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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