I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
