If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
