someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
