Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
