This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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