4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
