Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
