What did we do last night that was yellow?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
