Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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