i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
