After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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