I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
