And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
